when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
