Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
