Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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