She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
