What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
