I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
