hell yes lets make some ravioli
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize