Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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