Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
