finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
