He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
