i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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