I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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