yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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