is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
