Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
