very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
