I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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