i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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