he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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