I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
