I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
