I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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