I faked an abortion last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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