She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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