Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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