so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
