I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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