Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
