You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
