Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
