pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
