you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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