Betty ford says i'm here all night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
