I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
