Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize