Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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