dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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