i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize