oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
