Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
