I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
