I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
