careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
