I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
