You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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