i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
