i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
