I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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