You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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