no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
