escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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