thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
