Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
