that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
