If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
