How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
