I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
