There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
