And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize