Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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