I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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