There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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