i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
