I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
