Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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