Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
