puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
