rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
