So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
