Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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