stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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