i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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